Dear I've crawled through despair.
Lungs broken, gasping for air.
And I sit here crying and aching.
Wondering if I am even worth saving.
I've lifted up shattered dreams,
Broken hands holding torn seams
For every time I stand tall
I somehow manage to fall.
This world carves hard lines
This heavy weight curves my spine.
And the heaviest thing is often my lack and my failure.
For grace doesn't seem big enough to give me a waiver.
For I have always been told I know better.
Everyone is watching so don't you mess up!
Goes that reel in my head that just won't shut up
Then the pain carves deep scars
As all the ache hides the stars.
My lips have stung with all the questions I have flung.
Why do I mess up again and again?
How can this turn out for good?
When all I can see is my sin?
I hold out an empty grasping hand
Asking, begging to understand.
Look at the world, all of her lacks.
Line up all the horrors.
And if you look long enough
Hope begins to slip between cracks
But despite all of my ache, pain, and fear.
I'm learning that in order to see I must chase for pain and mistakes require a much deeper grace.
If after beauty and grace you hound
Everything lost will again be found.
All those shattered fragments of your soul once again will be whole.
Though this ache and the pain may make me weep
But I will laugh in the end because grace, even for me runs so deep.
Love has come and laughter like a river always follows
Filling in all of these deep and dry empty hollows.