Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Being Single

I rarely write much about being single (that's about to change), mostly because, if I'm being honest until recently, I've had this irrational fear that guys aren't going to like me for who I am, because I write and post essays on an almost daily basis, and am very opinionated and idealist. (this fear probably stemmed from the fact my prior boyfriend wasn't a fan of my idealistic, writing self...I should have seen the writing on the walls.)

//Side note: I'm over that, so if you're a guy and you don't like that I write, love books, trees, Narnia, stories, wind, laughter and everything C.S. Lewis, and paint my face because I love children's books, that's totally fine! We were never going to get along anyways. Because I'm not about to stop being, Ming.//

But if you will, allow me to climb onto one of my soap boxes for a moment, for while I am generally a fairly laid back individual--this is one of those things that lights my fire.

The other day someone tried to tell me that I should be looking for a guy, so that he could complete me.

I looked, smiled, and informed them that although I'd like to one day meet someone, no guy was going to complete me and that at the end of the day I would be okay if I never found a guy who was ready to deal with all of my quirkiness.

Their jaw went slack and then they tried to tell me that I was totally wrong in thinking this way. That I had to be desperately searching for someone to make me whole.
I've been thinking about this a lot the past few days. I've been single for a decent chunk of time now, just a couple months shy of two years.

I'm long past the point of people telling me not to rush into a rebound relationship and I'm now at the point where my mom perks up if I mention a guy's name in casual conversation (and then I swiftly kill all questions before they are asked by stating all the reasons why she shouldn't be getting excited.)

Sure I'd like to find someone I like enough to date, sure I'd like to get married and have children ('cause I do like kissing and I adore children). But...I'm going to be okay if it never happens, because the world doesn't stop if I die without a boyfriend or husband.

Yes, there are times I fear that I will never be loved or that all the love I have packed up inside of me will never get the chance to stretch out and rest on another person.

But...at the end of the day, I'm going to be okay regardless of what happens, because the world doesn't stop if I die without a boyfriend or husband.

My worth and value isn't defined by my relationship status, which means, your worth and value isn't defined by your relationship status.

There is so much good to do, beauty to find, and truth to uncover in this great big wonderful world, and I am not going to sit down waiting for prince charming to come sweeping in before I start living.

Screw those shenanigans. Sleeping Beauty I am not.

IF I find a guy he's going to like me for who I am, long facebook posts and all--and if he doesn't, then obviously we both just need to keep moving...in opposite directions.

So I will smile big and bake often, I will spend time in libraries and quiet places, I will love people and pursue goodness and beauty, and maybe one day I will find a guy who's heading in the same direction as me. And then perhaps he'll slip his hand into mine and convince me that we should join forces and fight back the darkness with laughter and beauty together and then maybe we'll do just that.

But in the mean time I shall sing, laugh, and dance on this road we all call life and I shall care for, listen, and love all the people that I encounter on it, for life is to short to wait to start living.

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